DQ 4/26 Blended Families: Preparing to form healthy step families before the wedding.

DQ 4/26 Blended Families: Preparing to form healthy step families before the wedding.
Everyone wants "their marriage" to be their last. They want it to last and to be healthy and strong. But many couples in blended families (also called stepfamilies) know that the odds are against them – very much against them. The statistics say in the U.S. the divorce rate is around 45 percent, the blended marriage divorce rate is approximately 67 percent (73 percent for third marriages, but everyone wants their marriage to work.

Reading theses articles make you know that as with any relationship it take work from the very beginning. In the fairy tales there is always an evil or wicked stepmother and usually sisters. In reality that may also be the case but that is not what we want for our family. Blended families are much more than the couple and their children, it included the others parents, host of other relatives that will all come together to form this blended family. How do they blend and what happens in the beginning before the couple decides to say I do is very important.

There are many things that need to happen to make the union successful. But the good news is that most remarried couples can beat the odds of divorce and build a successful blended family if they know how to overcome the unique barriers to marital intimacy in a blended family and if they understand stepfamily dynamics. In other words, they can beat the odds of divorce if they really work. In our classes we tell them to work smart. Know what the barriers are and work on them.

Build the relationship from day one on a solid foundation. The solid foundation that a Christian marriage should be built on is prayer and Jesus Christ. As the article communication is very important in all relationships. I feel families need to begin by building a bridge. Consider the members of the family you want to blend beginning the man and woman, communicate what you want from each in this marriage, how will you work with your children and communicate with them. Will the couple work together to raise the children? How will discipline be handled between the families? Establish a set of rules for the family to live by and discuss them with the children.

One of the things to realize from the book and other articles say is you have to be patient to make this relationship work. Husbands and wives must have a united front and be willing to really work. Show the children respect knowing that if there has been a divorce the children have already had to adjust to one change in their family. Some children will take time to adjust, some will welcome the change with open arms but each child is different. Parents’ children are children and they can understand, talk to them keep the lines of communication open be honest with each other.

Christian families study the qualities of successful blended families, and they work at their marriage. Know what you want your family to be like. Study the word of God and make sure you invest time into your family. Be careful what advice you take and seek about your family. Let every member of your family know they are loved, treat each other with respect, build the bonds of your relationship strong.

We all deserve a second change so we are going to work on this relationship so that the family works.

I realize that in many cases society say divorce is on the rise in blended families but smart families play to win. Just as teams have to practice and learn the plays in order to win games so to families. Sometimes we may loose a game during the series but we continue to work out. The more you work and the harder you try the better your chances of winning. Trust in the Lord and lean not to your own understanding and your family will be a smart blended family.